Online counselling provides the same supportive, confidential space as in-person sessions, allowing you to connect with a therapist from the comfort of your own home.
Sometimes in life we reach that point were we just feel stuck and unable to move ahead. We don’t know how to change things. Everything seems to have come to a grinding halt and we can’t figure out a way forward.
Parts of our life might be out of balance, all work and no play, maybe we have overwhelming responsibilities at work or being a carer for a family member. We can be ground down by our present circumstances and responsibilities or just the everyday grind of life. And it feels like life has lost all enjoyment.
How do we get to this point of stuckness?
When we find ourselves stuck, unmotivated or overwhelmed it can be the weight of current and past experiences that bring us to this point. Imagine that through each of life’s difficult experiences you have picked up an emotional weight or negative belief and are carrying it around. For a long time this will be Ok, you can still keep going. But a one point the weight of the unprocessed locked away emotion, negative thoughts and stuffed down upset, just becomes too heavy to carry any more and we come to a grinding halt. At that point it seems like nothing can make us feel any better.
The physical symptoms of life or emotions out of balance
You might also have physical symptoms like headaches, back ache, IBS, fatigue, skin problems, insomnia and sleep issues and changes in your immune system (you may keep going down with colds etc).
Counselling and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) can help by unpicking the experiences and releasing that emotional weight and clearing the activated fight, flight or freeze response that we find ourselves in. Gradually life feels easier, more enjoyable and we feel lighter like we can breath again. You can have pure counselling or a combination of counselling & EFT (you don’t have to decide right now), we work at your pace and in a way that works for you.
Today the words ‘self care’ are being used to sell moisturiser, shampoos and various other products and services. These products can be aspect of looking after your self physically, but the real core of self care is about looking after yourself by prioritising your mental, physical and emotional wellness, and some people might include your spiritual self in that too. Basically self Care is about keeping yourself healthy safe and well.
Examples of physical self care might be:
Eating healthily
Taking regular exercise
Getting enough sleep
Knowing where your energy levels are
Prioritising time to rest and relax
So lets think about self-care now. Are you aware of at this moment of how you are feeling physically?
Take a moment to tune in to your body. Perhaps you are a little tired, a little thirsty, maybe something somewhere is aching. Physical self-care could be as simple as getting up from your desk and getting that glass of water, or it could be as important as making that appointment with the doctor about that issue that’s worrying you, getting that sports injury fixed, or getting a regular, good nights sleep.
Examples of mental health self care are:
Calming your mind: this might be meditation
Taking regular exercise (exercise gives us endorphins which promote feelings of wellbeing)
Getting outside into nature (we are hard wired to be more relaxed in nature).
Doing something enjoyable, but challenging such as playing chess or dancing. Or a creative activity like painting, drawing, knitting etc. So that you are focused on the here and now rather than the to do list or working.
Seeking professional help like counselling if things get overwhelming, or you feel stressed, stuck, depressed or anxious.
Take a second moment to tune in to your thoughts. How are you feeling mentally at this moment?
Are you juggling too may thoughts about things you must get done. Are you over thinking or stressing about a work meeting or deadline. Or maybe you are feeling calm and relaxed. Where would you say your stress levels are on a 1 – 10 scale at this moment?
Are you in fact able to think, or are you so stressed and overwhelmed that your thinking has gone offline. So you find yourself, unable to concentrate or follow a train of thought? This can happen when we become overwhelmed and our inbuilt ancient protection mechanism, the fight or flight response perceives a threat.
If that is the case, what is the best thing you can do to help yourself now and bring yourself into a calmer more relaxed state, which helps to switch off the fight or flight mechanism? And bring you thinking ability back.
Examples of emotional self care are:
Maintaining healthy social and family relationships. Time spent with our friends and family is often the first thing to disappear when we have too much on our plates.
Listening to your inner self through, breathing, meditation, or sitting, relaxing and practising self reflexion. It’s important to know how your feeling as this can clue you in on whether you are pushing yourself too hard or whether you are not taking care of yourself.
How are you feeling right at this minute?
We all have emotions and they can be fleeting or constant, but they provide us with valuable information about what is happening for us now. Sometimes we are so busy ploughing on with what we have to get done, that we don’t recognise our feelings. What are your feelings telling you, are they telling you you’re OK, that a boundary has been crossed, that you miss somebody or that there is something or someone that’s not good for you, or something else?
Or maybe they’re telling you that you need to care for yourself a little better.
Sometimes we might worry that we are being selfish by practising self care, because it can mean saying no to others. “No I’m not going out tonight”. “No I don’t have time to pick up your shopping today”. “No, I’m not taking work home”. Saying no, or putting in a boundary in place may feel selfish if you are unused to prioritising your own needs. If others are telling you you’re selfish because you are not meeting their needs, then they are prioritising their needs over yours. But lets be clear about this, you are the one in charge of your life and no one is going to look after you the same way you can.
“Our lives are so busy, and for many of us the demands are overwhelming. Some of us focus so much on the needs of others, we lose sight of ourselves. Stop, for one moment. Take a deep breath. Be still. Refocus. Concentrate on improving your life. One situation at a time. You can’t be much good to others if you’re no good to yourself. If they love you, they’ll understand.” — Carlos Wallace
Here are a couple more quotes that might help the idea of Self Care to stick with you:
Self-care is your fuel … Whatever the road ahead or the path you’ve taken, self-care is what keeps your motor running and your wheels turning.” — Melissa Steginus
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” — Anne Lamott
