counselling

Counselling offers a safe, confidential space to explore your thoughts and feelings, gain perspective, and find new ways to navigate life’s challenges.

“Isn’t counselling just talking?” What your counsellor actually brings to the session

Vivienne Counselling , ,
Vivienne - Counsellor
Vivienne - Counsellor

It’s a question many people quietly wonder.
After all, you can talk to a friend… so what makes counselling different?
In my counselling work in Plymouth, what I bring to each session is not just conversation, it’s a professional, carefully held space designed entirely around you.

A safe space, what that really means

It means:
> You won’t be judged, criticised, or dismissed
> You don’t have to filter what you say
> You can bring the parts of yourself you usually keep hidden
> You are listened to fully, not interrupted or redirected
This kind of space allows you to explore thoughts and feelings at a deeper level, often things that feel difficult to say elsewhere.

A professional skill set

Counselling isn’t just listening.
It involves:
> Skilled questioning to help you explore what’s really going on
> Recognising patterns in thoughts, behaviours, and relationships
> Helping you make sense of emotional responses and triggers
> Supporting you to move forward in a way that feels right for you
You set the pace, but you’re not doing it alone.

Ongoing training and professional development

A counsellor doesn’t stop learning. I continue to develop my skills through ongoing training and CPD (Continuing Professional Development), so I can support clients safely, ethically, and effectively. This means you are working with someone who is actively deepening their knowledge.

Regular supervision

All professional counsellors attend regular supervision. This is a confidential space where I reflect on my work with an experienced supervisor to ensure:
> You are receiving the best possible support
> The work remains safe, ethical, and appropriate
> I stay aware, grounded, and professionally supported
Supervision is not about you being judged, it’s about protecting and supporting the quality of your counselling.

Understanding how your mind and body respond

Where appropriate, I may gently bring in psychological understanding (psychoeducation). This can help you:
> Make sense of anxiety, stress, or overwhelm
> Understand relationship patterns
> Recognise why you respond in certain ways
Often, just understanding why something is happening can bring a sense of relief and clarity.

A space that is entirely about you

In everyday life, conversations are shared, people respond with their own experiences, opinions, or advice.
Counselling is different. This time is:
> Focused entirely on you
> Led by your needs
> Free from expectation or pressure
You don’t need to have the right words, a clear problem, or a crisis. You just need a place to start.

If you’ve been wondering whether counselling could help. You’re welcome to get in touch to find out more about counselling or book an appointment.

How Do I Keep Ending Up Here, in the Same Pattern with Different People?

Vivienne Counselling , , , ,
Relationship dyamics

In my counselling work in Plymouth, I often see how these hidden patterns in relationships can quietly shape how you respond, leaving you feeling drained, frustrated, or without a real sense of voice.

Do you have someone in your life who drains you, but you still keep showing up for them?

You tell yourself “this time I’ll handle it differently”, but it ends up going the same way.
They talk.
You listen.
They need.
You give.

And somehow, your needs don’t make it into the room.

Relationship dyamics
Relationship dynamics, drama triangle

You might go in already feeling a bit tense, knowing you’ll have to manage the conversation, keep things calm, not rock the boat.
Maybe you’ve tried to speak up before, but you end up backing down, softening it, or questioning yourself.

Afterwards, you’re left feeling exhausted, sometimes frustrated, sometimes wondering, “why do I keep ending up here?”
You might even notice moments where the irritation slips out, a sharper tone, a shorter response, and then you feel bad for that too. It can start to feel like you don’t quite have a voice in that relationship. Or that things somehow become your fault, even when you’re not sure how.

And yet you stay in the same position. Not because you’re weak, but because these patterns can be deeply familiar.

We don’t always realise we’re stepping into the same role, again and again, especially with certain people. And shifting that takes more than just “trying harder.”


If this hits a bit close to home and you recognise these kinds of relationship dynamics, you’re very welcome to get in touch.
I offer counselling in Plymouth and online, providing a calm, supportive space to explore patterns in relationships, communication, and the changes you may want to make.

Why You Feel More Anxious During Menopause (Even If Nothing Is Wrong)

Vivienne Access Bars, Counselling, Menopause, Pre & Post Operative manual Lymphatic Drainage, Spinal Touch , , , , ,
Anxiety during menopause

Many women notice a shift during perimenopause and menopause. You may feel:
More anxious than usual
Easily overwhelmed
Less tolerant of stress
Waking in the early hours with your mind racing
Emotionally reactive “for no clear reason”


This can feel confusing, especially if you’ve always coped well.Often, nothing external has changed. But internally, something important has. Many women I work with in my Plymouth practice describe this shift during perimenopause and menopause.

The Role of Hormonal “Buffering”

Oestrogen does much more than regulate reproductive cycles. It also supports the nervous system in several important ways.

It helps to:
Support serotonin (which influences mood stability)
Enhance GABA activity (a calming neurotransmitter)
Strengthen vagal tone (our ability to settle after stress)
Regulate sleep patterns
Moderate the body’s stress response

You could think of oestrogen as part of the nervous system’s buffering system. It softens stress spikes. It helps you recover more quickly. It keeps emotional responses within a steadier range.

What Happens When Buffering Reduces?

During perimenopause and menopause, oestrogen fluctuates and gradually declines. When that buffering reduces:
Stress can feel sharper
Anxiety can feel louder
Sleep becomes lighter or fragmented
Cortisol (stress hormone) spikes may feel stronger
Emotional responses can feel closer to the surface

This does not mean you are becoming weaker or less resilient. It means the biological cushion that supported stress regulation is thinner.
Your nervous system is recalibrating.

What’s Happening in the Nervous System & Why Anxiety Can Appear “Out of Nowhere”

If you have long-standing patterns of:
Pushing through stress
Holding tension in the diaphragm or shoulders
Staying in high mobilisation
Managing a busy life without much recovery time

Menopause can make those patterns more noticeable. It does not create anxiety from nothing. It can amplify what was previously buffered.
For some women, old emotional themes or unresolved stress patterns may also resurface during this time, not because something is wrong, but because the system has less capacity to suppress.

Supporting the Nervous System During Menopause

Because this shift is physiological, nervous system support can be especially helpful during this stage of life.

Gentle body-based approaches such as Spinal Touch and Access Bars work with the nervous system rather than against it.

Spinal Touch aims to reduce long-standing muscular bracing patterns, support diaphragmatic breathing and improve structural balance. When tension in the spine, pelvis or diaphragm reduces, the body can move more easily into a rest-and-repair state (Parasympathetic nervous system state).
Access Bars uses gentle touch on specific points on the head to encourage deep relaxation and mental quietening. Many people experience a noticeable reduction in mental overactivity and a greater sense of calm following sessions.

When hormonal buffering is reduced, subtle therapies can feel particularly supportive because they encourage regulation rather than stimulation.

Counselling can also provide a steady space to explore emotional changes and restore confidence during this transition.

You can choose either counselling or body-based sessions depending on the kind of support you feel would suit you best.

Nothing Is “Wrong”

Increased anxiety during menopause is common.
Understanding the role of reduced hormonal buffering can reduce self-criticism and help you respond with support rather than fear.
If you would like to explore counselling or gentle bodywork support in Plymouth during menopause, you are welcome to get in touch.

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Barriers to Counselling: What Stops People Reaching Out for Support

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And why you don’t need to struggle alone

client listen to counsellor

Many people think about counselling long before they ever make contact. What often gets in the way isn’t a lack of need, but beliefs about what counselling is for, who it’s meant for, or whether their struggles are “serious enough.”
If you’ve ever hesitated about counselling, you’re not alone. These are some of the most common barriers I hear from people considering counselling in Plymouth and the surrounding area.

“I have to have a serious problem to go to counselling”

You don’t need to be in crisis to come to counselling.
Many people seek counselling because life feels difficult, overwhelming, or emotionally draining even if they can’t point to one clear cause. Counselling isn’t only for emergencies; it’s also for support, understanding, and prevention. You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to ask for help.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, I should know before I go”

This belief stops many people from reaching out.
Not knowing what’s wrong is often exactly why counselling helps. You might feel stuck, disconnected, anxious, low, or simply not yourself any more. Counselling offers space to explore what’s happening, without pressure to explain or label it. Clarity often comes through counselling, not before it.

“There’s something wrong with you if you need counselling”

This belief is outdated, but it still affects how many people feel.
In the past, people often lived in larger communities, families stayed closer together, and emotional support was more naturally built into everyday life. Modern life is faster, more individual, and often more isolating. Many people are juggling work, relationships, and responsibilities with far less emotional support than previous generations had.
In this context, needing counselling is not a sign of weakness, it’s a human response to the pace and pressures of modern living. Counselling offers a supportive space that many people no longer have access to elsewhere.
Seeking counselling today reflects self-awareness and emotional maturity, not failure.

Fear of judgement (including self-judgement)

A common worry is being judged, by the counsellor or by yourself.
Professional counsellors are trained to be non-judgemental, supportive, and accepting. Counselling is not about analysing or criticising you; it’s about understanding your experiences and helping you make sense of them.
Often, the strongest judgement comes from within. Counselling can help reduce self-criticism and build self-compassion.

“I’ll be OK once I get through this”

It’s easy to believe things will settle on their own.
But life rarely slows down for long. Without space to process difficult experiences, stress and emotional strain can quietly build over time. This can show up as ongoing tension, irritability, anxiety, low mood, feeling emotionally numb, difficulty sleeping, or a sense of being constantly on edge. Some people notice they become more reactive in relationships, withdraw from others, or struggle to switch off and relax.
Counselling doesn’t just help you cope with what’s happening now, it can help you understand patterns, make sense of emotional responses, improve relationships, and strengthen emotional resilience. Many people leave counselling feeling more confident, grounded, and better equipped to face future challenges.

Other barriers that commonly get in the way

You may also recognise:
> “I should be able to cope on my own”
> Not wanting to worry friends or family
> Fear of opening things up emotionally
> Uncertainty about what happens in counselling
Counselling moves at your pace. You remain in control of what you share and how sessions unfold. The aim is to support you, not overwhelm you.

Counselling is not about being broken

Counselling isn’t about fixing something that’s wrong with you. It’s about understanding yourself better, processing life experiences, and finding healthier ways forward. If you’ve been considering counselling, that curiosity is often a sign that something within you is asking for care and attention.

If you’re looking for professional counselling in Plymouth or online, a supportive, confidential space is available to help you talk things through, without judgement or pressure.

What Can Counselling Help With? Understanding the Different Ways Counselling Can Support You

Vivienne Counselling, online counselling , , , ,
A counselling session

Counselling is often thought of as something you turn to only when things feel overwhelming. While it can be very helpful during times of crisis, counselling can also support people in many other ways, from navigating a stressful period to exploring long-standing patterns that affect how you feel, think, and relate to others.

Counselling for Life’s Difficult Moments

Sometimes counselling is used as a short-term support, a place to talk through a specific issue or “hiccup” in life. This might include a period of stress, anxiety, grief, a relationship difficulty, or a challenging transition. In these situations, counselling can help you make sense of what’s happening, feel less alone, and find steadier ground again.

This kind of work can feel a bit like fire-fighting, helping you get through something that feels immediate and intense, and supporting you to regain balance.

Counselling for Ongoing Support and Understanding

Counselling can also be used in a longer-term way. This is often where deeper work takes place, gently exploring underlying patterns, behaviours, and ways of coping that may have developed over time.
> These patterns can influence:
> How you relate to others
> How you respond to stress or conflict
> How you see yourself
> How safe or settled you feel in the world

Longer-term counselling offers space to notice these patterns with curiosity rather than judgement, helping you develop greater self-understanding and choice.

There’s No “Right Reason” to Come to Counselling

People sometimes wonder if their problem is “big enough” for counselling. In truth, counselling isn’t about meeting a threshold, it’s about having a safe, confidential space to explore whatever feels important to you.

Some people come for short-term support, others for longer-term personal growth, and many move between the two depending on what life brings. Counselling can be practical, reflective, supportive, or exploratory, and often a blend of all of these.

If you’re curious about counselling, you don’t need to have everything figured out. Sometimes the first step is simply starting a conversation.

If you’d like to learn more about counselling in Plymouth or explore whether counselling feels right for you, you can find more information on my counselling page.