online counselling

Online counselling provides the same supportive, confidential space as in-person sessions, allowing you to connect with a therapist from the comfort of your own home.

“Isn’t counselling just talking?” What your counsellor actually brings to the session

Vivienne Counselling , ,
Vivienne - Counsellor
Vivienne - Counsellor

It’s a question many people quietly wonder.
After all, you can talk to a friend… so what makes counselling different?
In my counselling work in Plymouth, what I bring to each session is not just conversation, it’s a professional, carefully held space designed entirely around you.

A safe space, what that really means

It means:
> You won’t be judged, criticised, or dismissed
> You don’t have to filter what you say
> You can bring the parts of yourself you usually keep hidden
> You are listened to fully, not interrupted or redirected
This kind of space allows you to explore thoughts and feelings at a deeper level, often things that feel difficult to say elsewhere.

A professional skill set

Counselling isn’t just listening.
It involves:
> Skilled questioning to help you explore what’s really going on
> Recognising patterns in thoughts, behaviours, and relationships
> Helping you make sense of emotional responses and triggers
> Supporting you to move forward in a way that feels right for you
You set the pace, but you’re not doing it alone.

Ongoing training and professional development

A counsellor doesn’t stop learning. I continue to develop my skills through ongoing training and CPD (Continuing Professional Development), so I can support clients safely, ethically, and effectively. This means you are working with someone who is actively deepening their knowledge.

Regular supervision

All professional counsellors attend regular supervision. This is a confidential space where I reflect on my work with an experienced supervisor to ensure:
> You are receiving the best possible support
> The work remains safe, ethical, and appropriate
> I stay aware, grounded, and professionally supported
Supervision is not about you being judged, it’s about protecting and supporting the quality of your counselling.

Understanding how your mind and body respond

Where appropriate, I may gently bring in psychological understanding (psychoeducation). This can help you:
> Make sense of anxiety, stress, or overwhelm
> Understand relationship patterns
> Recognise why you respond in certain ways
Often, just understanding why something is happening can bring a sense of relief and clarity.

A space that is entirely about you

In everyday life, conversations are shared, people respond with their own experiences, opinions, or advice.
Counselling is different. This time is:
> Focused entirely on you
> Led by your needs
> Free from expectation or pressure
You don’t need to have the right words, a clear problem, or a crisis. You just need a place to start.

If you’ve been wondering whether counselling could help. You’re welcome to get in touch to find out more about counselling or book an appointment.

How Do I Keep Ending Up Here, in the Same Pattern with Different People?

Vivienne Counselling , , , ,
Relationship dyamics

In my counselling work in Plymouth, I often see how these hidden patterns in relationships can quietly shape how you respond, leaving you feeling drained, frustrated, or without a real sense of voice.

Do you have someone in your life who drains you, but you still keep showing up for them?

You tell yourself “this time I’ll handle it differently”, but it ends up going the same way.
They talk.
You listen.
They need.
You give.

And somehow, your needs don’t make it into the room.

Relationship dyamics
Relationship dynamics, drama triangle

You might go in already feeling a bit tense, knowing you’ll have to manage the conversation, keep things calm, not rock the boat.
Maybe you’ve tried to speak up before, but you end up backing down, softening it, or questioning yourself.

Afterwards, you’re left feeling exhausted, sometimes frustrated, sometimes wondering, “why do I keep ending up here?”
You might even notice moments where the irritation slips out, a sharper tone, a shorter response, and then you feel bad for that too. It can start to feel like you don’t quite have a voice in that relationship. Or that things somehow become your fault, even when you’re not sure how.

And yet you stay in the same position. Not because you’re weak, but because these patterns can be deeply familiar.

We don’t always realise we’re stepping into the same role, again and again, especially with certain people. And shifting that takes more than just “trying harder.”


If this hits a bit close to home and you recognise these kinds of relationship dynamics, you’re very welcome to get in touch.
I offer counselling in Plymouth and online, providing a calm, supportive space to explore patterns in relationships, communication, and the changes you may want to make.

Barriers to Counselling: What Stops People Reaching Out for Support

Vivienne Counselling, online counselling , , ,

And why you don’t need to struggle alone

client listen to counsellor

Many people think about counselling long before they ever make contact. What often gets in the way isn’t a lack of need, but beliefs about what counselling is for, who it’s meant for, or whether their struggles are “serious enough.”
If you’ve ever hesitated about counselling, you’re not alone. These are some of the most common barriers I hear from people considering counselling in Plymouth and the surrounding area.

“I have to have a serious problem to go to counselling”

You don’t need to be in crisis to come to counselling.
Many people seek counselling because life feels difficult, overwhelming, or emotionally draining even if they can’t point to one clear cause. Counselling isn’t only for emergencies; it’s also for support, understanding, and prevention. You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to ask for help.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, I should know before I go”

This belief stops many people from reaching out.
Not knowing what’s wrong is often exactly why counselling helps. You might feel stuck, disconnected, anxious, low, or simply not yourself any more. Counselling offers space to explore what’s happening, without pressure to explain or label it. Clarity often comes through counselling, not before it.

“There’s something wrong with you if you need counselling”

This belief is outdated, but it still affects how many people feel.
In the past, people often lived in larger communities, families stayed closer together, and emotional support was more naturally built into everyday life. Modern life is faster, more individual, and often more isolating. Many people are juggling work, relationships, and responsibilities with far less emotional support than previous generations had.
In this context, needing counselling is not a sign of weakness, it’s a human response to the pace and pressures of modern living. Counselling offers a supportive space that many people no longer have access to elsewhere.
Seeking counselling today reflects self-awareness and emotional maturity, not failure.

Fear of judgement (including self-judgement)

A common worry is being judged, by the counsellor or by yourself.
Professional counsellors are trained to be non-judgemental, supportive, and accepting. Counselling is not about analysing or criticising you; it’s about understanding your experiences and helping you make sense of them.
Often, the strongest judgement comes from within. Counselling can help reduce self-criticism and build self-compassion.

“I’ll be OK once I get through this”

It’s easy to believe things will settle on their own.
But life rarely slows down for long. Without space to process difficult experiences, stress and emotional strain can quietly build over time. This can show up as ongoing tension, irritability, anxiety, low mood, feeling emotionally numb, difficulty sleeping, or a sense of being constantly on edge. Some people notice they become more reactive in relationships, withdraw from others, or struggle to switch off and relax.
Counselling doesn’t just help you cope with what’s happening now, it can help you understand patterns, make sense of emotional responses, improve relationships, and strengthen emotional resilience. Many people leave counselling feeling more confident, grounded, and better equipped to face future challenges.

Other barriers that commonly get in the way

You may also recognise:
> “I should be able to cope on my own”
> Not wanting to worry friends or family
> Fear of opening things up emotionally
> Uncertainty about what happens in counselling
Counselling moves at your pace. You remain in control of what you share and how sessions unfold. The aim is to support you, not overwhelm you.

Counselling is not about being broken

Counselling isn’t about fixing something that’s wrong with you. It’s about understanding yourself better, processing life experiences, and finding healthier ways forward. If you’ve been considering counselling, that curiosity is often a sign that something within you is asking for care and attention.

If you’re looking for professional counselling in Plymouth or online, a supportive, confidential space is available to help you talk things through, without judgement or pressure.

The Quiet Exhaustion of Some Relationships

Vivienne Counselling, Counselling for Stress , , , ,
a man sitting on a bench whilst taling to a woman - a quietly exhausting relationship
a man sitting on a bench whilst taling to a woman - a quietly exhausting relationship

Not all difficult relationships are loud, dramatic, or obviously unhealthy. Some are quietly exhausting. There may be no shouting, no clear arguments, no single moment you can point to and say “that’s the problem.” And yet, over time, you feel drained. Tired in a way that rest doesn’t seem to fix. Less like yourself. More cautious, smaller, or constantly managing how things feel.

This kind of exhaustion is easy to dismiss, especially when everything looks fine on the surface.

When nothing looks “wrong”… but something doesn’t feel right

You might recognise this exhaustion if you notice that you:

> feel responsible for keeping the peace
> second-guess your own reactions or feelings
> avoid bringing things up because it feels easier not to
> feel guilty for needing space, reassurance, or support
> leave interactions feeling depleted rather than supported

Often, these patterns build slowly. There may be care and connection alongside them, which makes it even harder to trust your instincts or name what’s happening.

Subtle behaviours can still be harmful

Some behaviours aren’t overtly abusive, but that doesn’t mean they’re supportive or healthy.

These might include:

> minimising or dismissing your feelings
> subtle criticism disguised as “jokes” or concern
> emotional withdrawal, silence, or withholding affection
> turning situations back on you so you feel at fault
> needing things done their way, without space for your needs

At best, these behaviours can feel unsupportive and unbalanced. At worst, they can be emotionally abusive, even if that word feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Because these behaviours are subtle, many people don’t recognise them as harmful, and instead begin to question themselves.

Why individual counselling can help

If you’re feeling this kind of quiet exhaustion, you don’t need your partner to attend counselling for you to get support.
Individual counselling offers a space that is:

> just for you
> confidential and non-judgemental
> free from having to protect, explain, or justify anyone else

In counselling, you can begin to:
> understand what feels draining and why
> explore patterns in your relationships
> reconnect with your own feelings and boundaries
> gain clarity without being told what to do
> rebuild trust in your own perceptions

This work isn’t about blaming your partner or labelling a relationship prematurely. It’s about understanding your experience and what it’s costing you emotionally.

You don’t need a crisis to seek support

Many people wait until things are unbearable before reaching out, but counselling isn’t only for moments of crisis.

If a relationship leaves you feeling:

> emotionally worn down
> confused about what’s reasonable
> disconnected from yourself
> unsure whether your needs matter

…that alone is enough to seek support.
The quiet exhaustion you feel is worth paying attention to. And you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

A gentle next step

If this post resonates, counselling can offer a calm, confidential space to explore what you’re experiencing, without pressure to make decisions or involve anyone else. Individual counselling can help you make sense of subtle relationship dynamics, rebuild trust in your own feelings, and gently reconnect with what you need.
You can find out more about individual counselling with me and how to book a session on my counselling page.

Why Counselling Isn’t About Fixing You

Vivienne Access Energetic Facelift , ,
A counselling session
A counselling session

Many people come to counselling with the quiet worry that something about them is wrong, that they need to be fixed, changed, or improved in order to cope better or feel happier. Counselling is not about that.

At its heart, counselling starts from the belief that you are not broken. You are a unique individual shaped by your experiences, relationships, environment, and the ways you learnt to survive and adapt. The difficulties you may be facing often make sense when they are understood in context.

You Don’t Need Fixing — You Need Understanding

Counselling isn’t about correcting you or telling you who to be. Instead, it offers a space to:
> Be heard without judgement
> Slow things down
> Make sense of what you’re experiencing

Often, what feels like a “problem” is actually a pattern that once served a purpose. Counselling helps you gently explore why certain thoughts, behaviours, or emotional responses show up, not to remove them, but to understand them.

Recognising Patterns and Unhelpful Cycles

Rather than focusing on what’s wrong, counselling can help you notice:
> Repeating patterns in relationships
> Unhelpful or self-critical thought habits
> Emotional responses that feel automatic or overwhelming
> Ways you may be protecting yourself without realising it

When these patterns become visible, you gain choice. Choice brings freedom — not because you’ve been “fixed,” but because you understand yourself more clearly.

Making Sense of Relationships and Dynamics

Many of our struggles are shaped within relationships, past and present. Counselling offers a space to explore:
> How early experiences influence current relationships
> Boundaries, attachment, and communication styles
> Why certain situations feel triggering or emotionally charged

This understanding can help you respond differently, with greater awareness and self-compassion.

Living Your Life, Not Someone Else’s Version

Counselling isn’t about being told what to do or how to live. It’s about supporting you to:
> Trust your own inner experience
> Clarify what matters to you
> Live in a way that feels more aligned and authentic
> It invites you to live your life as though you know how it feels to be you, because you do.

Growth Through Compassion, Not Correction

Change in counselling doesn’t come from being “fixed.” It comes from being understood, accepted, and supported. From that place, growth happens naturally, often gently, sometimes gradually, and always at your own pace.
If you’ve ever worried that counselling means admitting something is wrong with you, it may help to reframe it this way:
Counselling isn’t about fixing you. It’s about meeting yourself with curiosity, kindness, and honesty, and allowing change to grow from there.

If this has sparked your interest, you may find it helpful to explore more about how I offer counselling. I provide professional counselling in Plymouth in a calm, supportive setting, where there is space to explore thoughts, feelings, and experiences at your own pace. You can find more information about counselling sessions, what to expect, and how to book on my counselling page.