Plymouth

Why You Feel More Anxious During Menopause (Even If Nothing Is Wrong)

Vivienne Access Bars, Counselling, Menopause, Pre & Post Operative manual Lymphatic Drainage, Spinal Touch , , , , ,
Anxiety during menopause

Many women notice a shift during perimenopause and menopause. You may feel:
More anxious than usual
Easily overwhelmed
Less tolerant of stress
Waking in the early hours with your mind racing
Emotionally reactive “for no clear reason”


This can feel confusing, especially if you’ve always coped well.Often, nothing external has changed. But internally, something important has. Many women I work with in my Plymouth practice describe this shift during perimenopause and menopause.

The Role of Hormonal “Buffering”

Oestrogen does much more than regulate reproductive cycles. It also supports the nervous system in several important ways.

It helps to:
Support serotonin (which influences mood stability)
Enhance GABA activity (a calming neurotransmitter)
Strengthen vagal tone (our ability to settle after stress)
Regulate sleep patterns
Moderate the body’s stress response

You could think of oestrogen as part of the nervous system’s buffering system. It softens stress spikes. It helps you recover more quickly. It keeps emotional responses within a steadier range.

What Happens When Buffering Reduces?

During perimenopause and menopause, oestrogen fluctuates and gradually declines. When that buffering reduces:
Stress can feel sharper
Anxiety can feel louder
Sleep becomes lighter or fragmented
Cortisol (stress hormone) spikes may feel stronger
Emotional responses can feel closer to the surface

This does not mean you are becoming weaker or less resilient. It means the biological cushion that supported stress regulation is thinner.
Your nervous system is recalibrating.

What’s Happening in the Nervous System & Why Anxiety Can Appear “Out of Nowhere”

If you have long-standing patterns of:
Pushing through stress
Holding tension in the diaphragm or shoulders
Staying in high mobilisation
Managing a busy life without much recovery time

Menopause can make those patterns more noticeable. It does not create anxiety from nothing. It can amplify what was previously buffered.
For some women, old emotional themes or unresolved stress patterns may also resurface during this time, not because something is wrong, but because the system has less capacity to suppress.

Supporting the Nervous System During Menopause

Because this shift is physiological, nervous system support can be especially helpful during this stage of life.

Gentle body-based approaches such as Spinal Touch and Access Bars work with the nervous system rather than against it.

Spinal Touch aims to reduce long-standing muscular bracing patterns, support diaphragmatic breathing and improve structural balance. When tension in the spine, pelvis or diaphragm reduces, the body can move more easily into a rest-and-repair state (Parasympathetic nervous system state).
Access Bars uses gentle touch on specific points on the head to encourage deep relaxation and mental quietening. Many people experience a noticeable reduction in mental overactivity and a greater sense of calm following sessions.

When hormonal buffering is reduced, subtle therapies can feel particularly supportive because they encourage regulation rather than stimulation.

Counselling can also provide a steady space to explore emotional changes and restore confidence during this transition.

You can choose either counselling or body-based sessions depending on the kind of support you feel would suit you best.

Nothing Is “Wrong”

Increased anxiety during menopause is common.
Understanding the role of reduced hormonal buffering can reduce self-criticism and help you respond with support rather than fear.
If you would like to explore counselling or gentle bodywork support in Plymouth during menopause, you are welcome to get in touch.

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The Quiet Exhaustion of Some Relationships

Vivienne Counselling, Counselling for Stress , , , ,
a man sitting on a bench whilst taling to a woman - a quietly exhausting relationship
a man sitting on a bench whilst taling to a woman - a quietly exhausting relationship

Not all difficult relationships are loud, dramatic, or obviously unhealthy. Some are quietly exhausting. There may be no shouting, no clear arguments, no single moment you can point to and say “that’s the problem.” And yet, over time, you feel drained. Tired in a way that rest doesn’t seem to fix. Less like yourself. More cautious, smaller, or constantly managing how things feel.

This kind of exhaustion is easy to dismiss, especially when everything looks fine on the surface.

When nothing looks “wrong”… but something doesn’t feel right

You might recognise this exhaustion if you notice that you:

> feel responsible for keeping the peace
> second-guess your own reactions or feelings
> avoid bringing things up because it feels easier not to
> feel guilty for needing space, reassurance, or support
> leave interactions feeling depleted rather than supported

Often, these patterns build slowly. There may be care and connection alongside them, which makes it even harder to trust your instincts or name what’s happening.

Subtle behaviours can still be harmful

Some behaviours aren’t overtly abusive, but that doesn’t mean they’re supportive or healthy.

These might include:

> minimising or dismissing your feelings
> subtle criticism disguised as “jokes” or concern
> emotional withdrawal, silence, or withholding affection
> turning situations back on you so you feel at fault
> needing things done their way, without space for your needs

At best, these behaviours can feel unsupportive and unbalanced. At worst, they can be emotionally abusive, even if that word feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Because these behaviours are subtle, many people don’t recognise them as harmful, and instead begin to question themselves.

Why individual counselling can help

If you’re feeling this kind of quiet exhaustion, you don’t need your partner to attend counselling for you to get support.
Individual counselling offers a space that is:

> just for you
> confidential and non-judgemental
> free from having to protect, explain, or justify anyone else

In counselling, you can begin to:
> understand what feels draining and why
> explore patterns in your relationships
> reconnect with your own feelings and boundaries
> gain clarity without being told what to do
> rebuild trust in your own perceptions

This work isn’t about blaming your partner or labelling a relationship prematurely. It’s about understanding your experience and what it’s costing you emotionally.

You don’t need a crisis to seek support

Many people wait until things are unbearable before reaching out, but counselling isn’t only for moments of crisis.

If a relationship leaves you feeling:

> emotionally worn down
> confused about what’s reasonable
> disconnected from yourself
> unsure whether your needs matter

…that alone is enough to seek support.
The quiet exhaustion you feel is worth paying attention to. And you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

A gentle next step

If this post resonates, counselling can offer a calm, confidential space to explore what you’re experiencing, without pressure to make decisions or involve anyone else. Individual counselling can help you make sense of subtle relationship dynamics, rebuild trust in your own feelings, and gently reconnect with what you need.
You can find out more about individual counselling with me and how to book a session on my counselling page.

The Body’s Own Healing Ability: Supporting What’s Already There

Vivienne Spinal Touch , , ,
Gentle touch therapy treatment

One of the most remarkable things about the human body is that it is designed to heal. Long before modern medicine existed, the body already knew how to repair, recover, adapt, and restore balance.
We see this every day.
> A cut finger closes and knits itself back together.
> A bruise fades.
> A cough or cold runs its course.
> Broken bones knit and strengthen.
> Childhood illnesses such as measles or chickenpox resolve, leaving behind immunity.

Even after injury, illness, surgery, or long periods of stress, the body is constantly working behind the scenes — repairing tissues, regulating systems, and striving to return to equilibrium.

Healing Is Not Something We “Add” It’s Something We Support

Healing is not usually about forcing change. More often, it’s about removing obstacles and creating the right conditions so the body can do what it already knows how to do.

The body is continuously:
> Repairing damaged tissues
> Regulating hormones
> Balancing the nervous system
> Managing inflammation
> Restoring circulation and lymphatic flow

When these processes are well supported, healing tends to unfold more smoothly and efficiently.

Stress: When Healing Gets Interrupted

One of the biggest barriers to healing is chronic stress. When the body perceives threat, whether physical, emotional, or environmental, it prioritises survival. This activates the sympathetic nervous system, often described as fight or flight.

In this state:
> Muscles tighten
> Pain sensitivity can increase
> Digestion and repair slow down
> Energy is diverted away from healing

For many people living with ongoing pain, fatigue, or long-term conditions, the nervous system may remain stuck in this protective mode for far too long.

Rest, Digest, and Repair: The Parasympathetic Nervous System

Healing happens most effectively when the body can access the parasympathetic nervous system, often called rest, digest, and repair.

This is the state in which:

> Tissues repair more effectively
> Inflammation can reduce
> Circulation improves
> Muscles soften
> The body feels safer and more organised

Gentle therapies work not by overriding the body, but by helping it shift into this healing state.

Gentle Techniques, Powerful Support

Gentle touch therapy treatment

This is where approaches such as Spinal Touch and Bowen Technique can play an important role. These techniques are intentionally gentle. They don’t force correction or manipulate the body into position.

Instead, they:

> Provide clear, calm input to the nervous system
> Encourage postural organisation and balance
> Support the body’s own self-regulating mechanisms

By working with the nervous system rather than against it, these approaches help create the conditions where the body can begin to unwind long-held patterns of protection.

You can see this process reflected clearly in practice within the 👉 Fibromyalgia & Bursitis Spinal Touch Case Study Sessions 1–5
where gradual, functional improvements emerged as the body was given space, time, and gentle support to reorganise itself.

Healing Is Often Gradual and That’s a Strength

True healing is rarely instant. It often unfolds:
> In layers
> Over time
> As safety and trust are restored within the body

Small changes, better sleep, reduced pain, improved posture, increased energy, or greater ease of movement, are signs that the body is re-engaging its own healing processes. Rather than “fixing” the body, gentle approaches allow it to remember how to function more efficiently.

Supporting What’s Already There

At its core, holistic bodywork is not about imposing change. It is about supporting the body’s innate intelligence.

When we slow things down, listen carefully, and reduce unnecessary strain, the body often responds with:

> Greater balance
> Increased resilience
> Improved comfort and function

Healing doesn’t always need to be dramatic to be powerful. Sometimes, the most profound shifts come from gentle support, patience, and trusting the body’s natural ability to repair itself.

If you’re curious about how gentle bodywork may support your own healing process, you’re welcome to explore the case study mentioned above or learn more about Spinal Touch and Bowen Technique through my website.